Am I growing up or falling?

So today I made the decision to deactivate my Facebook. Yeah that thing that I checked like more than 10 times a day, keeping tabs on what was happening in the world and with my “friends”.

Over the years I have been slowly losing friends or drifting apart whatever you call it. It hurts realising we live in a world where friends are not that important anymore unless they can be of use.

And I guess I am no longer of use. No longer valuable to these so called friends, so I went off Facebook. Because if they really need or want me they can contact me on the phone.

I hate this world I’ve come to live in. I hate all this responsibility that I’ve had to take on. I wanna go away for a while and not have to deal with the shit that I deal.

Maybe I’m reaching that breaking point from doing jobs for things I don’t get credit or a thanks for.

This is more of a rant than a thoughtful post. I’m not gonna go on Youtube and show my face. I’d rather be a keyboard warrior in this case.

Because I don’t wanna talk anymore. I hope I can type away like this more often.

Right now I’m feeling a lot of things. I feel lost, broken, alone, depressed, angry and myself and just why? How? Why was I dealt this shit? HOw did I get myself here? Why do I feel like some of my fears are coming true?

No I don’t know what’s going on. Let’s see how I go with the staying away from Facebook thing at the moment.

That I thought I could handle all this attitude is going and here comes the I can’t and I don’t want to. I wish I could bury my head in the sand and just say fuck you all I don’t wanna come out.

Because right now I don’t feel loved or happy. Yeah I know appreciate what I have. This is a first world problem there are others who are far off worse than you.

But I’m still allowed to complain. And if certain people don’t wanna hear it then let it become data on the internet. At I know someone will probably read this, think I’m ridiculous and say some bullshit comment and move on with their day.

First of all fuck you.

Second of all I HOPE you have a very NICE day.

Maybe I’ll post something more later.

Rant #00000000000000000000

I can never think of titles for my posts. I guess I suck at summing stuff up huh?

I’m in a mood and thought process that I thought I would never be in. Because I have never acted in a manner to make it seem that I am a bad person.

So lately I started giving society more credit which now I think I should take back. Again I’ve had to re-learn that giving society a chance to redeem itself was a mistake. Society is still the same judgemental bitch who I always hated but still cared for because that’s how I am . (and well considering my career choice will still be doing so but hey that’s the kinda person I am and not what some people think.)

I was wrong when I thought that society is finally learning to be less judgemental and more accepting.

Who am I kidding?!

Nothing  has changed!

It’s still the same judgmental bitch who doesn’t give a shit about a person’s feelings only labelling and accusing of actions which weren’t even committed!

Society doesn’t care.

In so many situations I’ve witnessed it myself. Society doesn’t care.

All this judging and labelling and criticism..!

As the years have gone by I’ve met so many many many many wonderful people who were so caring that they gave up so much to take care of others.

In a way it gave me hope that I could be who I wanted to be and everything would be fine.

But oh how I was wrong.

For a person who rarely tries to cause negative disruptions and tries to avoid conflict and pessimism as much as possible, it seems that some people around me would rather cause me conflict.

Some admitted to only doing it so I would react..

Well now they know haha.

I just feel empty now. I feel like a void, like a dark cloud just came over me.

So:

Dear Society,

I think you need to do something about your attitude. Your behaviour. Just you in general. Because of you the world has lost so many wonderful people who could have made a great difference in this world. I do not think you understand that it’s your fault.

Hope you rot,

Tasha

It’s past midnight

Its officilly Sunday here and I’m not doing a thing. I’m suppose to be workinh on that essay that I gotta write on MONDAY 1ST PERIOD!!

 

On the TV screen is Billu (Bollywood BLAH BLAH….)

 

I’m gonna complain now..

 

The incident on Friday has lead to a domino effect which is pissing me off (not to mention the fact I’m close to Mensis -_- )

I get the fact that what I did was stupid…

 

I was pissed because of the blow which had led to Suada getting worried and wanting to see me p3

 

I don’t think this is fair.

 

If “they” can’t deal with the sentence that’s been passed well its not my fucking issue.

 

I try not to get real close to a person because things like THIS happen. It’s not ME that gets hurt it’s THEM.

 

I HATE it absolutely HATE  it when a person revolves their life around me. I am NOT that important to that point!

If its one thing people learn about me is that I don’t like centring myself. (I’m not a big fan of public speaking but I still do it)

*10 minutes go by*

HAAH I started watching Billu XD

But this thing is pissing me off and I miss preethi (and my phone hopefully FF gives it to me tommorow)

 

Hmmm..

It’s nearly 1230.. I think I might heaed off to bed (actually tonight it’s the lounge T.T)

 

Majority of people in this world SUCK and SHOULD BE karma’d !!

 

GRRRR

MENTAL ALERTNESS

NEVER HAVE I WANTED A FUCKING PUNCHING BAD SOOO FUCKING BADLY !!!!!

IM REALLY ANGRY NOW

LIKE REALLY PISSED OFF

I HATE BEING GROUNDED ITS SOO SHIT

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!

I HATE U

I HATE U

I HATE U

!!!!!!@#$#%$&^*(&^^&^@$@!

******************* CAN GO JUMP

FUCK U

U PRICK

BASTARD

DIE!!!!!!

I like Dexter ^_^

Man I need ************************************************ (haha you don’t know what I need XD) really badly

I want sleep

and

freedom

but I can get sleep

but no freedom T.T how sad

Damn

I wrote this before but it got deleted -_- stupid thing.

Anyways….

A couple of weeks ago, while Brina (my sister) was sick. I was catching the train and stuff

I met up with a friend of mine who happen to live in the same suburb as me. We saw each other in the mornings and caught the train together and talked and what not.

The first time we met I was umm somewhat nervous and all XD

It was a hello with a peck on the cheek. This idiot knows how to piss me off so that’s what they were doing most of the time.

The goodbye was weird but meh I lived XD

We did this a couple of times and yer XD

And then …….

We also met up outside of that in another place.

All I’m gonna say is what happened in that place stays there =)

But anyways I got in trouble for being home late. And I’m grounded! I’m not sure how long though.. XD

But I spose to go to this persons place to tutor them but can’t.

And now they are avoiding me!!! Or ignoring me or something they’re just not talking to me!!

Stupid fuck!!!

I can’t believe that for some stupid reason I was on the verge of liking this person.

Well that’s done and gone with.

And I’m not heartbroken =)

Go me ^.^