Things I’ve learnt about 21

Before I turned 21 I had this huge “breakdown” I questioned what I had done with my life. Where I was in my life. What I have as accomplishments after living for more than 20 years. I felt like I had done nothing. No car. Nothing to my name. I felt like a drifter and a failure. I felt like that I didn’t have any life experiences.

I felt like my friends were ahead of me in life experience. While I was left all alone. That feeling was so horrible. Although I had finished uni. Just awaiting graduation. NO licence either. Oh my it was horrid. I cried and became depressed and angry and just in total utter anguish.

Sound like a real drama queen right?

But then my mum had a word and told me that look you have finished Uni, You’ll get your licence soon and then you will be working. That makes you ahead of quite a few people already.

SO I did realise that she was right. I did end up getting my licence before my graduation. I got up on that stage and got my certificate. And then I started working as a registered nurse after getting my registration in January.

Now I have friends who are turning 21 now as well and they’re going through the same thing I went through. They start comparing their levels of experience to other people. Comparing how they have made their mark in the world compared to others.

And I’ve told them the same thing. There is no level or mark that one is supposed to be at once they reach 21 or at any age. Sure society has expectations at where one should be in their life at a point. But that doesn’t always apply to everyone. You have managed to spend another year on the planet. Congratulations!! You’re legal everywhere now HOORAAAAAYY.

That’s what you should be thinking. Not how much have I done? You just go by your goals and what you want not others. So you’ve studied but your friends have jobs? SO? Your friends are probably wishing that they went to study first because they feel underqualified .

Just celebrate your life. Accomplishments will come when they come after you work hard ;D

Am I growing up or falling?

So today I made the decision to deactivate my Facebook. Yeah that thing that I checked like more than 10 times a day, keeping tabs on what was happening in the world and with my “friends”.

Over the years I have been slowly losing friends or drifting apart whatever you call it. It hurts realising we live in a world where friends are not that important anymore unless they can be of use.

And I guess I am no longer of use. No longer valuable to these so called friends, so I went off Facebook. Because if they really need or want me they can contact me on the phone.

I hate this world I’ve come to live in. I hate all this responsibility that I’ve had to take on. I wanna go away for a while and not have to deal with the shit that I deal.

Maybe I’m reaching that breaking point from doing jobs for things I don’t get credit or a thanks for.

This is more of a rant than a thoughtful post. I’m not gonna go on Youtube and show my face. I’d rather be a keyboard warrior in this case.

Because I don’t wanna talk anymore. I hope I can type away like this more often.

Right now I’m feeling a lot of things. I feel lost, broken, alone, depressed, angry and myself and just why? How? Why was I dealt this shit? HOw did I get myself here? Why do I feel like some of my fears are coming true?

No I don’t know what’s going on. Let’s see how I go with the staying away from Facebook thing at the moment.

That I thought I could handle all this attitude is going and here comes the I can’t and I don’t want to. I wish I could bury my head in the sand and just say fuck you all I don’t wanna come out.

Because right now I don’t feel loved or happy. Yeah I know appreciate what I have. This is a first world problem there are others who are far off worse than you.

But I’m still allowed to complain. And if certain people don’t wanna hear it then let it become data on the internet. At I know someone will probably read this, think I’m ridiculous and say some bullshit comment and move on with their day.

First of all fuck you.

Second of all I HOPE you have a very NICE day.

Maybe I’ll post something more later.