Here again

Yeah sometimes it feels like I just come in to vent sometimes… Other times it’s because I feel nostalgic or sad.

I realised I’ve become way too busy and should go back to writing my thoughts down like before. I mean I have this app on many platforms so why not eh?

This post is venting (yay!)

It’s one of those days where I feel unappreciated by my own family (boo goo you’re not the only one out there) which I am well aware of. But that doesn’t mean that I can’t vent right?

Those people out there that know me in real life know my stories and my past and I know that there are others out there who have it a lot worse than I do and that there are others saying I should be thankful. But when you’re that person that everyone relies on constantly as the pillar of strength, the one that negotiates, mediates and problems solves every issue, disturbance and fight…. You reach a point where you start burning out. Where you don’t give a fuck anymore about helping everyone else. Or where you just want a break and not have to think about all that.

Oh but then you get called selfish and heartless and mean and why are you stressed? Why are you angry? We haven’t done anything wrong! How can you turn around and act like that?!

You want to know how? The constant pressure to keep everything calm and working so nothing happens. The responsibilities that you have to keep and attend to because no one else will.

I love you but fuck you.seriously.

Because.

I’m allowed to complain once in a while. Yeah I am proud (more like relieved) that I’ve been able to keep the household running. I’m 22 and I’m doing the job of parents. I pay for all the bills and food and rent as well. But. I.do.not.appreciate being told I’m not allowed. That I don’t spend enough time with you guys.

I woke full time as well. I’m the only one that does. So excuse me if I would like some time to be with the boyfriend or you know the small number of friends I have left.

This year has been horrible already. I regret doing a lot of stupid shit at the beginning of this year. Which lead to a lot of shit happening. Even a short visit to emergency .

I’m sick of having to sacrifice and be the good guy. For a little while you’ll see the bitch you woke up. Just because you became selfish.

Hey I know some of this was my own fault for being too nice but come on! Really?

Gggaaaaahhhh!!!!

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